Sex this!

Chances are you may have heard of the new editions of Mark Twain's Huck Finn coming out that have taken the "n-word" out of the book and replaced it with "slave." Okay. I respect their ridiculous need to be politically correct under the guise of "updating" the timeless classic. However, I cannot abide by their decision - for one, I firmly believe that censorship is one of the many things making our children stupider and is public enemy number 2 (number 1 starts with a b and ends with an anksters). Even if that weren't the case, however, there is no possible way I would ever be able to agree with them.

Slave does not hold the same gravity, or even the same meaning, as, pardon my nineteenth century Mississippian, nigger. It's like taking the word "fuck" and replacing it with "sex." Yes, sex is commonly considered by most to be less offensive a term (I see them as equally harmless, but whatever) but it's hardly the same word. Instead of saying, "I'm gonna fuck you up if you censor this book," which implies physical violence, you would be forced to say, "I'm gonna sex you up if you censor this book." The latter, of course, implies that you are going to sleep with whoever is responsible for the censorship. Sex this. I'm gonna sexing use whatever the sex kind of language I sexing want! Censorship, SEX. I'd don't need this scat.

Twain used such language to invoke thought in the reader, from what I've heard. Replacing the words he used with more moderns terms is like taking the bible and replacing every reference to God with Science. It's bound to piss someone off, and it ruins the entire book. Instead of censoring the books, they could simply rewrite them. After well over a hundred years, Huck Finn is most definitely a work in the realm of public domain. It could be about an alien race that has been enslaved by another alien race. They could have a special, nonsensical, derogatory term for this enslaved race and not hurt anyone's feelings. Except Twain's. He'd probably be rolling in his grave the minute they started writing, but I find it hard to believe he isn't already trying to claw his way back to the surface to put a stop to this idiocy. If I were him, I would.

I wish people would get it through their sexing heads - words are only as powerful as you make them, because words are intrinsically neautral. They have no meaning until we give them meaning, and if we give them a negative meaning, it's our job to reform them, like an alcoholic. We don't hide our alcoholics away in a closet for eternity, at least, most of us don't; no, we send them to therapy until they magically become better by introducing themselves as "BobAndIHaveAProblem" and talking about why their name has around five extra capital letters. And so I introduce to you "NiggerAndIHaveAProblem." Together, we can reform him.